I didn't want to believe it was a stitch-up.
I didn't want to believe it when the Tories chose a high ranking Remainer for Prime Minister.
I didn't want to believe it when the government agreed to a negotiating sequence organised around political rather than economic objectives. I grumbled but kept my eye on the prize when the UK agreed to pay the European Union £39 billion, basically for nothing.
I started to worry when Theresa May ambushed her own cabinet at Chequers, suddenly producing a previously unpublicised plan which she'd covertly created alongside arch federalist Olly Robbins. Boris and his Brexiteers made a big mistake that day. They'd have been better served by taking that rather pleasant walk down the drive and cadging a lift to Wendover station. I'm sure someone in the press corps would've been thrilled to oblige. It's not far.
Still I clung to the belief that Parliament would never agree to this "turd" of a treaty because it's so obviously intended to tie us still closer to Brussels, while ensuring the idea of a membership referendum can never trouble the establishment again. Well, I was half right about that.
Has the Prime Minister set out a clear choice between her deal and no deal? No, although she's been quick to threaten us with no Brexit at all if her deal is not approved, although in doing so she's finally given the game away.
I still don't want to believe it's a stitch-up...but it's true.
Now the establishment have finally made their move, coming out of the shadows with an unprecedented soft coup attempt as they try to reverse the roles of the executive and the legislature. It's interesting to note that Dominic Grieve and the other wreckers have not been de-selected or otherwise admonished by their own party machines, despite all of the froth and noise. A cynic might say that it's all part of the plan.
This is as serious as it gets, and it's really hard to resist the word "betrayal" as the mask slips entirely at last. Now we can truly see the ugly mendacity of our elected representatives and their media enablers as they strain every sinew to corral us into a spurious choice between accepting Theresa's turd and not leaving the EU at all.
I'm not easily shocked, but even I'm taken aback at the breath-taking audacity of those openly plotting to preserve the status quo by either ignoring the referendum result, or by adding yet more labyrinthine layers of complexity which always, always preserve Brussels' position as the UK's final arbiter and rule writer. Either outcome would suit the metropolitan machine just fine, despite all the faux outrage spilling over the airwaves right now.
This slow strangulation of the Brexit dream has been long in the making, and now the endgame is upon us.
Our mendacious MPs may succeed in stifling Brexit, for now, but I wonder if they have any conception of the price they will ultimately pay for their naked duplicity. When even hardcore Remainers like Dan Hodges are turning away in disgust, then something has gone seriously and dangerously wrong.
If the establishment believe the electorate won't see through their smoke and mirrors act then they're making a serious miscalculation.
This isn't the end. It's only the beginning.
Images courtesy of Nico1 & Alison Scott at FreeImages.com